Its been a week I guess I didnt post anything. Well I WAS happy. But now, i dont. Yknow, actually 'he' wanted me back 29 February. And I was so happy that day. Superbly happy bcs the one I really love, came back and lighted up my day. Everyday. So I thought he wont do the same mistakes again. But, he did. Only for 21days. 3weeks only okay.
Well, that is really sad. I need to face this again & again. Oh yes. Im the one that asked for break up bcs I cant stand it. I really need my love ones be there for me 24/7 ((except when he studying)). He did the same mistakes. AGAIN & AGAIN. What do you expect me to do? Smile and happy? I told him that I dont like when people treated me like I'm invisible.
Ugh, seriously I need him today, tomorrow & forever. But I'm just afraid he will do the stupid bullshit mistakes again. I'm scared okay. He said he loved me. He was? Or he just pretending? Why all the people who came in my life just to play with my heart? Why? Its hard to let go of something you really love. Its HARD. I'm letting him go from now on. Its okay. I'm really really used to it. SERIOUSLY.. I know that I'm not your type of girl. But I really do love you.
Why do I have to face this again? Why dont you came in my life & stay till I die. If you dont want to be with me forever, its okay. Be with me untill my last breath dah cukup. Ugh my heart is breaking from day to day. Worst from day to day. Miserable from day to day. You never know how it feels like when someone you love, never fights for you back. And push you away. Thats hurt okay.
Uhm yes. Second & third times is not the same than first time. Do you remember when we were together for the first time? We loved each other so hard. You cried for me & I cried for you. You always fight for me. Always had time for me, everyday. Always be there for me when I needed someone to comfort me. Always be the last person I talked to. Do you know how much I miss that?
But the second times, I'm the one who loves you so hard. But you? You dont really love me. I'm the one that always cried for you. But you dont really cried for me. I'm the one who always fight for you. But you dont really fight for me. I always have a time for you, everyday. But you? You always gave me excuses and blablabla. I really miss the first one. But I cant turn back time to 2012.
The third times is more worst than second times. I dont know where can I share my problems. Im afraid my bffs will get bored hearing the same story again & again. I know that I said goodbye to you. I didnt mean that. Actually.. Im waiting for you to fight for me. But srsly, I'm afraid the fourth times will be more WORST than before.
It doesnt mean I dont want to be with you. Its just.. Im scared. I'm scared you will leave and treat me like I'm no one to you. can you get it? I still love you. I missing you right now. but it really broke my heart when the 'trust' thingy came out. Hm its okay. I'm letting you go now. I mean it. Dont come back. I really love you from the bottom of my heart. Just go find someone who is better than me. Who is smarter than me. Prettier than me. I always pray the best for you. But I'm wishing that I'm the 'someone else'.
But I know you dont want to be with me forever. i know that. Just stop pretending will you? Ugh I dont have any strength to face all this bullshit. You look happier when you're not with me. I'm so hurt right now. Faking a smile really not okay. I hope we'll not meet again. Goodbye my baby boo. Only for 21days.. I really love you & I miss you. Take care okay.
Your-used-to-be-princess
